Inquiry
by MariaShadow
Summary: G1With upward of twenty people kept in the one facility, people will go to almost any length to stay entertained...
1. Chapter 1

Prowl was so engrossed in the report he was reading that he never noticed Jazz until he almost walked straight into him. Luckily for both mechs, Jazz was much more attentive.

"Hey Prowl." The saboteur waved.  
"Hello Ja…what the!" Prowl did an abrupt double take and froze, door panels flung wide in surprise. There was a moment's stunned silence before the Datsun found his voice again. "Jazz… what are you doing?"  
"Eh, you know me." Jazz shrugged. "Just hangin' around."  
"Upside down?" Prowl queried, one optic ridge curved in a disbelieving expression.  
"It wasn't my idea." The black and white huffed, crossing his arms. "Y' think y' can get me down? I ain't feelin' too hot." He asked plaintively.

"I'll see what I can do." Prowl promised, subspacing his datapad and paging Wheeljack and Hoist. He had a feeling he'd need some help.

It didn't take long for the two mechs to turn up, in which time Prowl located a ladder and set it up beside Jazz.

"…eh?" Wheeljack managed when he comprehended the Porsche's predicament. "You ok Jazz?" he asked.  
"Not really." The inverted Jazz groaned. "I ain't built fer this. Oooh…" He made a strangled noise and clamped one hand over his mouth in an attempt to keep the contents of his fuel tank where it belonged.

"Well then, let's see about getting you down." Hoist said briskly. "Ah good, you already have a ladder. Now, if I could get one of you gentlemechs to steady the ladder, I shall examine whatever it is that is securing Jazz's feet to the ceiling."

Prowl held the ladder steady while the architect climbed up, with Wheeljack supporting Jazz's shoulders to ease the mech's discomfort.

"Do you know what it is?" Prowl called up to Hoist.  
"Contact adhesive, and a potent concoction at that." Was the reply. Hoist climbed down and fished through his subspace pocket. "Fortunately, it is a common one, and I believe this solvent should take care of it." He handed Prowl a spray can. "Now, while you dissolve the solvent, I shall help catch Jazz."  
"Understood."

The tactician ascended the ladder and started applying the solvent, Hoist moving to put his arms under Jazz's back while Wheeljack supported his shoulders. "So, any idea who did this?" Wheeljack asked.  
"Fragged if I know." Jazz grumbled. "Was on my recharge berth, an' woke up here."  
"Why didn't you radio someone?"  
"Ol' Soundy fried it good yesterday, Ratchet still need t' fix it." He explained, holding up his wrist so that Wheeljack could see the electrical burns.

"I have one foot free." Prowl called down.  
"Ok, bring it down." Hoist said. The foot came free with a _schloop_ sound, Prowl slowly lowering the stiff leg until Hoist could reach it and let down the rest of the way; repeating the manoeuvre a few minutes later for the other limb. With Jazz finally freed, Wheeljack and Hoist gently laid him on the deck until he could re-orientate his systems again.

"How d' you feel, Jazz?" Wheeljack asked. The Porsche made an untranslatable noise and groaned, optics squeezed shut in obvious discomfort. "Let's get him to Ratchet." Prowl suggested.

0o0o0

Ratchet finished his examination of the unfortunate Autobot and shook his head slightly, lips twitching as he tried to contain a chuckle. "You'll be fine Jazz, just stay put for a while." He said, patting Jazz's shoulder comfortingly. Jazz mumbled something that sounded like a 'thanks', his voice muffled by the arm he had flung over his face in an attempt to keep the world from spinning too much.

Prowl and the rest of the group were waiting just outside the main ward. The doors opened and Ratchet emerged. "Jazz is dizzy, but fine." The CMO reported. "His equilibrium system wasn't designed to handle that sort of punishment. Any idea who's behind it?" he asked curiously.

"Not a clue." Wheeljack replied ruefully. "The twins were both on duty all night, so it couldn't have been them."  
"And it would have had to involve at least two conspirators." Prowl added. "Unfortunately, there are no surveillance cameras in that area of the living quarters and the internal tracking system is still down from the attack yesterday."  
"Well, whoever it was is lucky that Jazz is such a deep sleeper." Ratchet said irritably, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "He'd have howled bloody murder and belted them a few if he woke up in mid-transport."

A little known fact about the black and white saboteur was that when he was in deep recharge after an especially stressful battle like yesterday's, he was notoriously hard to wake up. In addition to that, his particular job had left the Porsche rather high strung and understandably paranoid at times, though he was usually able to hide it quite well.

Combined with the usual disorientation from being roused from deep recharge before his systems could cycle out, Jazz's resulting reaction to waking and finding one or more persons unexpectedly in uncomfortably close proximity was to yell and lash out with a surprisingly powerful left hook, as an unfortunate intern had discovered in a now infamous incident back at Iacon.

"Is there any way we can track down the culprits?" Hoist queried.  
"Unfortunately, no." Prowl replied. "There is no evidence of anyone having been remotely near Jazz's quarters between when he went off-line and my finding him."  
"Maybe it was the same folks who painted Skyfire last week." Wheeljack suggested. "It looks like their M.O.- post battle, done at night, no evidence, and the target was in recharge at the time."

"You been watching CSI again?" Ratchet asked curiously.  
"Nah, NCIS. Gibs reminds me of someone for some reason." Wheeljack replied impishly, ducking a swat from Ratchet.

"You may be onto something Wheeljack." Prowl said, rubbing his chin in thought. "I'll go over the file of Skyfire's attack and look for any correlations, then examine the area."  
"I'll see if I can turn up anything from Teletran." Wheeljack volunteered.  
"Care for a hand?" Hoist asked.  
"Sure, the more the merrier." Wheeljack replied. "Maybe Chip can spare a bit of time too."  
"I'll check on Jazz then give you a hand, Prowl." Ratchet said.

The quartet split up to begin their self-appointed task of hunting down the Ark's latest practical jokers.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Prowl sorted through the last of the dispatches for the day and neatly filed them, his body working on autopilot while his mind pondered the strange lack of developments in the search for the pranksters. A thorough search of the crime scene had revealed nothing of value, as had the investigation into Teletran's mainframe. Jazz was no help either, but thankfully he had recovered quickly.

The door hissed open and Prowl looked up. Wheeljack and Chip entered the cramped office. "Hey Prowl, any progress?" Chip queried.  
"Unfortunately not." Prowl grimaced. He bent down and gently picked up the human, wheelchair and all, and placed him on the desk. "Here is the file on the first incident," Prowl began, propping up two data pads so that Chip could see them, "And here is the second."  
Chip swallowed a laugh when he saw the magenta jet. "So, any known pranksters who don't have an alibi?" He asked.  
"Not one." Prowl grumbled, or as near a grumble as anyone could get from the Datsun. This case was irritating him to no end with its astonishing lack of progress.

Chip leaned forward and scrolled through the data on Jazz's file. "Hey, isn't this glue the same stuff that Ironhide has?" He queried.  
"Lemme take a look." Wheeljack said, picking up the data pad. "Yeah, it looks the same to me."  
"But Ironhide was in the repair bay until this morning." Prowl pointed out. "He could not be the culprit."  
"But it doesn't mean that he didn't have something to do with it." Chip replied. "He could have been the supplier."

"True. But I would prefer to have more evidence before making a move." Prowl said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance, doorwings twitching slightly. "Perhaps we should just let the twins deal with this. They were quite successful the last time we had a prank war."

Chip laughed. "Yeah, but I think you'd want to keep the culprits all in one piece. Ratchet would have your head if he found out."  
"Hmm." Prowl mused. "Though it would dissuade any other closet pranksters, it would be no doubt an unpleasant experience to have one's head separated from one's body."  
"Ask Prime, he could give you a dissertation on it." Wheeljack chuckled, 'ears' flickering as he laughed.

"You know what?" Chip said suddenly. "I think we're trying too hard."  
"What do you mean?" Wheeljack asked.  
"Well, if you want to catch a thief, you don't track them down, you set a trap." Chip explained with a sly smile. "What better way to flush out a prankster than announce that you know who it is, and within earshot of the twins? You already said they were very effective the last time they had competition. If I were the prankster, I'd be running for the hills if I heard the twins were after me."

Prowl and Wheeljack exchanged a glance. "That might just work." Wheeljack mused.  
"Indeed." Prowl nodded. "I suggest that we wait until the pranksters strike again before making our move, and that we keep this between the three of us."  
"Agreed." Chip and Wheeljack chorused.

0o0o0

They didn't have to wait long before the pranksters struck again.

The day shift had just gotten off duty when there was an audio-splitting yell. Tracks shot past the door to the common room, trailed by a cloud of Monarch butterflies.

"What the frag?" Ratchet blurted, running to the door to get a better look. Sure enough, about a hundred of the orange and black insects were fluttering down the hallway, hot on Tracks' trail.  
"Is somebody getting' a recording o' this?" Jazz asked, barely containing his laughter.  
"On it." Hound called back, grinning from audio to audio.

Ratchet twisted around to shoot a black glare at the twins, who were sprawled on a couch and too exhausted to bother getting up to take a look.

"It wasn't us!" Sideswipe protested. "We were on patrol all day! I got the dents to prove it!"  
"Good idea though." Sunstreaker added. "I wonder how they managed it?"

Perceptor scanned the air. "I believe that the culprits may have coated Tracks in Monarch pheromones." He announced.  
"Okay, that's original." Ratchet said, one optic ridge raised in surprise.  
"Quite." Prowl deadpanned. He looked at the twins.

"Like I said, not us." Sideswipe said in response to the Datsun's silent inquiry. "We wouldn't know what those phero-whatsits are, much less how to get 'em."  
"We could find out who it was though." Sunstreaker offered.  
"No thankyou, Ratchet has enough work as it is." Prowl answered.  
"Aww, spoil-sport." Sideswipe pouted. "We could have had some fun with these guys." He joked, flexing his fingers.

At least, Prowl hoped he was joking.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

The next day, after an apoplectic Tracks spent most of the night in the wash rack and Hound and Trailbreaker spent about two hours catching the surviving butterflies, Prowl entered the common room with a small and well-practiced smirk of success, a data pad in hand.

"Whatcha got there?" Jazz asked curiously, trying to peer over the Datsun's shoulder.  
"I have almost identified the pranksters." Prowl replied, sounding immensely pleased with himself. "Last night's escapade provided me with the last data I required to deduce their identities."

"Reeeallly?" Sideswipe drawled, flicking a mischievous look at his twin. "Care to share?" He asked.  
"Not at this moment. I have yet to confirm my suspicions. Afterwards however, anyone may feel free to ask. These pranksters have caused me enough grief to warrant a sufficient example for any other lurking pranksters. This is a military facility, not a day-care centre." Prowl replied, irritation seeping into his tone.

"Well good." Ironhide announced. "Ah've had enough o' wakin' up t' some poor sap howlin' blue murder 'cause some punk's got too much fuel t' burn."  
"Here, here!" Smokescreen chimed in. There were several other affirmative noises and not a few dark looks directed at the twins.

The tactician's radio chirped. He touched one hand to his audio and listened for a moment. "It's urgent?… I understand…Yes, I'll be there in a moment." Prowl cut the link and sighed, door wings sagging slightly at the prospect of loosing some of his down time.

"Duty calls, eh?" Jazz grinned.  
"Yes. I'll meet you and the others at the end of first shift for the meeting in the strategy room." Prowl replied, grabbing a cup of energon from the dispenser.  
"Gotcha." Jazz replied.

0o0o0

"I don't think this is such a good idea. Aren't there rules against breaking into an office?" The owner of the voice glanced up and down the hallway again, understandably nervous.

"The point was not to get caught. If Prowl finishes his work and the twins find out…" Metal plates rattled as the second speaker shuddered. "Even a simpleton could figure that out. Besides, Prowl won't be around to catch us."

The second mech entered the code their third co-consiprator had provided into the keypad beside the door to Prowl's office. "Stay here and keep watch." He instructed, disappearing inside the office. The first mech heard him rummaging around for several minutes before emerging triumphant. "Got it, now we'd better get out of here."  
"I couldn't agree more."

0o0o0

Chip, Wheeljack and Prowl watched the whole exchange from the safety of the control room. The internal tracking system was still down, but Perceptor had managed to get the friend or foe identification up and running. Chip grinned as the two blinking green dots moved back the way they came. "Looks like they took the bait." He said, looking up at Prowl. "That was some good acting back there Prowl. Even I believed you."

"I took lessons from Sideswipe." The tactician deadpanned, but the human could see a hint of a smile tugging at the black and white's lips. "So where are they headed?" Prowl queried, changing the subject.

Wheeljack tapped a few keys, and the map on Teletran's screen zoomed out. "Looks like the living quarters." He replied, rotating the view slightly. "I'll keep on 'em."  
"Good. If all goes well we shall be able to being PhaseTwo momentarily." Prowl replied, an anticipatory gleam in his optics. This was the part that he liked best about his job- watching a plan all come together.

"PhaseTwo of what?" A deep voice rumbled. The trio whirled around, deer in the headlight expressions evident on all of their faces. Prime had entered the control room unnoticed, and now stood with his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at them

"Uh," Wheeljack floundered for a moment. "Well, y'see Prime, we're attempting to flush out the latest set of pranksters, and uh…"  
Prime chuckled. "Carry on, by all means." He said, turning on his heel and walking back out.

0o0o0

The two conspirators finally reached their destination and ducked inside. The mastermind of their trio was waiting for them. "Didja get it?" he asked.  
"Here." The second mech replied, holding out the pad. The other mech took it and waved his hand over the security panel, activating the device.

"What does it say?" The last member of their group asked, keeping a close watch on the door to their impromptu meeting place.  
"Nothin' much." The mastermind replied, scrolling through the data. "Charts, duty lists, lists of names, ah, here we go." He started to read. " 'Conclusion: It is rude to go through someone's things. Gotcha.'"

He looked up at the other two and summed up their collective feelings in two simple words. "Oh slag."

0o0o0

Prowl, Wheeljack and Chip were waiting in the hallway when the three culprits burst out of the empty cabin, coughing on the brightly coloured smoke emitted by the booby-trapped data pad.

There was several moments stunned silence as the two parties eyed each other.

Wheeljack was the first to find his voice. "Jazz? Tracks? Skyfire? You're the pranksters!" He demanded.  
Jazz grinned in the mischievous, satisfied way that only Jazz could. "Yup."  
"But, why?" Prowl asked, battle computer furiously ticking over in an attempt to discover the logic behind the situation.

The Porcshe shrugged. "Weeelll, we were all goin' stir-crazy, what with the weather goin' t' pot an' the 'cons, an' everythin' else. So we sorta organised t' prank each other. An' the nice thing was that since we all agreed t' it, there's nothin' in the rules that say we couldn't do it."  
"You thought this all out, didn't you?" Chip asked curiously.  
"Yup." Jazz's grin widened. "What can I say? We were bored."

Prowl groaned and let the back of his head hit the wall with a thunk. Chip wheeled himself over and patted the Autobot's leg comfortingly. "Don't worry Prowl, at least you don't have to deal with the terrible two's." He said. Prowl turned his head slightly so that he was looking at the human. "I already do- the twins." He replied dryly.

"Good point." Chip laughed.


End file.
